Calm, Cool, and oh so Confused

So it’s week seven (almost eight)… Is anyone else starting to panic yet!? I feel like I wake up and go about my days far too calmly for what is actually going on in my mind; what on earth is going to happen next??

When I do end up talking about my future I seem to end my sentences with the phrase: “I just don’t know, I’m freaking out.” People keep saying I don’t seem like I’m freaking out, which I suppose is a good thing, but it’s also confusing because inside I’m all jumbled up and topsy turvy (sorry for all the technical terms I keep throwing in here). Image

Already I feel like this blog post has stopped making sense and veered off it’s intended course.

Story of my life!

People keep saying “You’re so young, you have so many options, stop worrying.” While I can appreciate how lucky I am to have options, it’s also daunting. All of them sound enticing and feasible, so how does one choose?

Right now I’m contemplating moving to Australia with my dad and trying to find a job there, moving back to Spain to work with the company I interned with previously, or staying in Portland and finding work here.

I’ve made lists, crunched numbers, and even asked my magic eight ball. I just can’t seem to put myself in the graduated, unemployed, living at home mindset that is about to become my heinous reality.

Honestly I wish this blog post had more rhyme or reason or some sort of profound moral to inspire your Thursday, but alas, it does not. It’s just me attempting to put my feelings into words and make sense of our reality that all seems very new and, if you couldn’t tell already, very scary to me. I’m really hoping some of you are feeling the same way and will join me in my panicked state!

-Eilise Ward

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6 Responses to Calm, Cool, and oh so Confused

  1. katshannon says:

    WOW. spoke my jumbled mind too Eilise! This is one of the craziest times for all of us and I can completely relate to everything you said.
    Though I wish I had amazing options like you (Austraila, Spain) I think that we have all set ourselves up for success in our lives and by participating in this program. I’m excited to see where all of us end up, because January is most definitely a mystery.

  2. I think we all know exactly how you feel, Eilise. You’re not alone! For the first time in our lives, the path isn’t carefully planned for us and we have complete responsibility to make our own choices. Try to be grateful that your future, no matter what it is, sounds absolutely exciting and I know you’ll be successful! You’re already doing something you’re passionate about with photography in Portland; hopefully you’ll get to continue that with any choice you make.

  3. lizazevedo says:

    Eilise, I think we all are feeling this exact same way. I am glad you spoke so candidly about your worry and confusion in your post because these are feelings that I most definitely share. I too am considering my options (teaching english abroad, finding a job back home in California, staying in Portland, moving to Australia and working). It is so easy to become overwhelmed by our new freedom. I, personally, was freaking out! Therefore, my new method is to apply to everything and research all my options, then see which doors open and walk through the most enticing one when the time comes. Good luck! I can’t wait to see where you end up!

  4. Eilise, I loved this post. It rang perfectly true to all the emotions I have become overwhelmed with. I think it’s just terrifying to think that for the past 17 years I have been in school. Yes, my life has changed since kindergarden but I always knew school would be calling me back at some point. I think that sooner than later we will all realize that we are all pretty lucky to be in the situation we are and better yet we have a mini support group of people that are all going through the same thing. I have no doubt that we will all be sucessful in our own ways, its just scary to think we don’t know what they are quite yet.

  5. cmckee2 says:

    It’s crazy how much of this blog post rings true for me as well. While I may not have the luxury of being able to fall back on Australia or Spain, I’m also forced to consider my options just like everyone else in the program. It’s scary, but like everyone else has said I think we’re in a better position than most of our peers.

  6. sarahbrown90 says:

    You are definitely not alone in this feeling! We all know how you feel because we are all in that same place. With so many options and different directions of where we could take our lives, it’s such an exciting thought but also extremely intimidating. Just be thankful that we are in a much better position than many others because of all the amazing experience we have received through our internships this term. For me personally, although it is scary to think about the future I’m glad that I have gained a lot of solid skills this past term that makes me confident that no matter what I choose to do I will be successful and if I end up not enjoying the first job I get after graduation I’ll just keep looking until I find my home. 🙂

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